Special Delivery

Once baby’s heartbeat was confirmed at our 8 week ultrasound, I decided to sign up for baby samples. It was an emotional moment for me when they arrived in the mail yesterday. Let me tell you why…

2 years ago, we had recently purchased our first house and I was excited to settle into it with my husband, 2 dogs and of course – our baby who would surely be on its way in no time. With all the naivety and confidence of my 26 years, I decided to sign up for free baby samples despite the fact that we had already been trying to conceive for a few months without success. Sure enough, a few months later the samples began to arrive. Free baby formula and bottles, baby wash and diapers. And of course, there was no baby.

I saved the first few samples that arrived, confident that I would be able to use them soon. Eventually I had to throw out a full size tin of formula because it had expired (depressing!)  As the samples continued to arrive, our baby was getting further and further away (or so it seemed). Adoption programs we liked closed, infertility treatments failed, and yet the samples continued to arrive every few months, congratulating my non-existent baby on beginning solid food and taking its first steps. It was pure torture every time I opened the mail box and found a sample of baby stuff. It was a reminder that if we had conceived within our first year of trying (as most couples do) we’d have a rambunctious toddler by now! Heck, we might even have baby #2 on the way!

The final sample arrived (snacks & coupons for older toddlers) on a summer day when I was shopping for a baby shower gift with my very pregnant friend. (Lord knows shopping at baby stores as an infertile is hard enough, let alone when you bring your pregnant friend with you!) We left work early to shop at the baby store together and I wanted to swing by my house to change out of my work clothes first. I ran inside to change and on the way out I checked the mail. The baby samples package was there and I didn’t even bother to open it, I just gave the package to my friend. I remember sitting in my car and cursing the day I was stupid enough to sign up for baby samples when I was not pregnant!

I know a lot of people choke up when they see their baby moving around on the ultrasound, or hear the heartbeat for the first time, but Andino and I are not criers. We didn’t choke up at our wedding or during the ultrasounds – we were too excited and grinning from ear to ear! But let me tell you… when I opened my mail box yesterday and found a package of baby samples for newborns – I choked up. Finally the day had come when I received baby samples for my baby who is on the way!! Somehow everything we have been through and everything we have to look forward to really hit me in that moment.